Baldwins, Boogie Nights, and The Returned Astronauts
I’m baaaack! Sorry for going MIA. Work/life has been crazy, hectic, stressful to the point where I manically gave myself bangs and dyed my hair with a gloss at 10:30pm on a Tuesday! But it looks good, so I’m rolling with it. Who needs a therapist when I have TikTok bang tutorials?! Lots to catch up on, so let’s get into it!
What I’m Watching
Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney
I went to the actual live taping of Everybody’s Live last night and it was so much fun, despite my manspreading seat neighbor who didn’t laugh once and a camera operator blocking my view the entire show. It was like a really fun variety show that they happened to be filming. The highlights for me were the Early Edition joke, Kim Deal’s performance, everything Richard Kind did, and seeing how tiny Ben Stiller is in person. Listen to see if you can hear me cackling!
Long Bright River
I binged this show on Peacock and really loved it. It's based on a best-selling book of the same name, so I get why they stuck with it, but I didn’t love it as a show title, but move past that and give it a watch if you like crime dramas. I never read the book, but you can really tell in some of the plot and dialogue that it's one of those mass-market-Target-Reese’s-Book-Club type books because it can be really really schlocky at times. Had the casting been done wrong, this would've been a really bad show because it was just so on-the-nose and wholly predictable to me (opioid crisis! sex workers! police! good cop bad cop! plot twist! harsh philly streets!), however the casting was perfect so the show works. Amanda Seyfried is such a brilliant actress that she could have made The Room oscar-worthy. She does such an excellent job with the material and just when it feels a little too schlocky, she brings it back to reality in a really entertaining way. Her grandfather was played by the guy who played Rawls on The Wire and I loved seeing him again. Her partner’s also played by the guy who played Benvolio in Romeo + Juliet if you’re sitting there going “How do I know him??”
The Baldwins
Moving on to a show that is at some points a crime drama and some points a reboot of Jon and Kate Plus Eight, I attempted to get through an episode of TLC’s new reality show The Baldwins. It’s the most TLC show to ever TLC and spoiler: I could not make it through the first episode. Me, who loves reality TV, who watched every episode of TLC’s Extreme Sisters, could not make it through the first episode of The Baldwins. It’s definitely a jarring watch as they attempt to balance the show between "Look at my huge, zany familia!" and "The day that I shot and killed that woman was the worst day of my life". Hilaria, a.k.a. Hillary slightly acknowledges her appropriation of a Spanish accent by focusing on how “the whole world” was mean to her, skirting around the fact that she's born and raised in Boston by white people and has fully Caucasian blood. She does make a point to constantly speak Spanish in the show and emphasize that her children all have Hispanic names. I admit I did find her less insufferable than I expected, but still tough to watch. It's probably worth it though, just to see how ridiculous of a show it is. The fact that it shifts from being coverage of Alec’s murder trial to Alec being allergic to cats but having to drive them all to the Hamptons -how silly!- is just too much to handle. I also am just generally not a fan of meandering reality shows with a ton of kids, especially when they’re not addressing that they have a full staff taking care of most of them. Truly, at some points I think Alec forgets their names and often just calls the smallest one “baby”.
White Lotus
Obviously I'm gonna do a big White Lotus review when it’s over but the memes are too good not to share. I loved the weird ass Sam Rockwell monologue and I can't wait to see who from the show is going to be nominated for an Emmy.
The Righteous Gemstones
Speaking of Emmy nominations, Bradley Cooper certainly hopes to get one for his role in the season four opening episode of The Righteous Gemstones. He fully deserves it! It was one of the most interesting episodes of television and such a creative way to usurp expectations and open the final season of the show. It's off to such a great start.
What's in the News
American Idiots
Green Day won Best Alternative Band at the iHeart Radio Music Awards1. They accepted their award with Billie Joe Armstrong reciting the speech that Dirk Diggler/Mark Wahlberg gave in Boogie Nights. I thought this was very funny and was made even funnier by his bandmates giggling like school girls behind him.
My Date Spot
This isn't really news but Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez apparently had their first date at Jitlada, one of my personal favorite restaurants here in LA. Stars- they’re just like us!
No More Sex|
The Sex Lives of College Girls has been canceled. I didn’t even finish this most recent season. I think we all kind of knew that losing Reneé Rapp would shut the show down, but I’d love to work with so many writers on that show so that’s all I’ll say!
Didn’t We Know This?
In sad girl music news, Lucy Dacus, whom I could not stop running into at various coffee shops and bars last time I was in Nashville, and Julien Baker, whom I once had a burger with, confirmed they’re in a relationship.
Forever’s not Forever
Forever 21 announced they filed for bankruptcy and are closing their stores. I would say that's a good thing but it really just means that Shein and Temu are ruling fast fashion now. I would be lying though if I didn't admit to visiting my local Forever 21 and stocking up on 50% off basic tees and buying a bag last week. And I’ll probably go back before they’re fully gone, just for a hit of nostalgia and to buy cheap earrings that’ll turn my lobes green.
Vanderpump Villa AKA Stassi’s Show
The trailer premiered for the new season of Vanderpump Villa. I had absolutely no interest in this show and it seems like nobody else did either, because they called a Hail Mary and brought in Stassi, knowing that we will watch every episode simply because she's there.
Hi, My Name Is
Sia apparently had a baby at some point last year and named it Somersault Wonder. That’s one way to make people forget about that horrible autism movie she made.
The Astronauts No Longer Stuck in Space
Cue Backstreet Boys “Oh my god we’re back again”. The astronauts have motherfucking landed!!! If I were off the planet for nine months, I too would want to return to Tallahassee, Florida. They landed in the ocean and were immediately surrounded by a pod of dolphins welcoming them back to earth. After nine months in space they returned to this godforsaken planet looking like dead bodies and smiling as they were pulled out of the vessel. I had the best sleep of my life knowing they were back on the ground and not stuck up in space. My excitement was only surpassed I'm sure, by the executives at HarperCollins and 60 Minutes who will no doubt get their stories out pronto.
Surf’s Up, Mood’s Up
Speaking of dolphins, in a time where I’m being bombarded with constant stories of nazi billionaires holding our government hostage and the horrors of the atrocities being committed against the people of Gaza, this video really brought me some peace. Watch it to soothe your brain.
Okay that’s all for this week! Thanks so much for reading!
I'm not totally sure that's what the show is called or if that’s the title of the award they won and I'm not going to check.